Dear Clone-A-Willy: The Overly Friendly Ass-Stuffer
As you might expect, we get our share of strange and humorous emails at Clone-A-Willy. Here's a real email we received and some thoughts on it.
“I'm looking to purchase bulk amounts so I can give one to each of my friends. Are there any discounts? I really want all my friends to feel my dick inside their ass, but I just can't afford it. Thanks in advance!”
-Russ
Aren't friends the greatest? Think about it. In the short span of about 80 years we get to make real, valuable connections with other people and we almost always find them more interesting than we find ourselves. You are very special to a group of people you find special and you're all just trying to have fun and make sense of the wonder and confusion around us. It's so beautiful you could almost cry.
Then, one seemingly average holiday party at your friend Brenda's house, Russ shows up with several identically-shaped, gift-wrapped boxes and a grin you had to drink 6 shots of Jaegermeister to dull the memory of.
So, yes. Should it be your wont, it is possible to "mass-produce" copies of your penis for friends with the Clone-A-Willy kit. Here are a few tips:
- HAVE A FRIEND HELP WITH THE MOLD! Since we're talking about friendship, it's worth mentioning that the molding process can be tricky and having a pal mix the molding powder and water while you focus on your erection makes it much easier. You might want it to be a surprise for everyone, but at least let one, special buddy in on the joke. This will also have the added effect of helping you see who your true friends really are. If your buddy Charlie thinks he's too good to help mix water with the Clone-A-Willy molding powder for 60 seconds while you jack off then he's not a real friend. STOP STARING AT ME! might become a new in-joke for the two of you. Or it could become a trauma trigger. Either way, you'll be closer for it.
- MAKE MULTIPLE MOLDS! If you have a bunch of friends and you really want all of them to feel your dick inside their ass, (over 10 would probably qualify as "a bunch" of friends to whom you give exact replicas of your erect penis and I think over 12 would qualify as too many, but who am I to judge), you'll speed up production by having three or four molds available to fill with the Clone-A-Willy silicone. Use the first finished Clone-A-Willy dildo to make the extra molds instead of your actual penis. It's easier than calling Charlie for help with the molding powder and getting an erection every time. You can make the rest of the molds and dildos by yourself. There's no need for friends at this point. You're all alone now. Just you and several molds of your penis. If you're only trying to make 3-4 clones, you know, for the REALLY good friends, you can just reuse the mold you and Charlie made together.
- KEEP THE MOLD WET! The Clone-A-Willy molding material is a strange and mysterious substance. Okay, not really. It's alginate, which is a seaweed based molding compound. Dentists use it to cast teeth, artists use it to create lifelike sculptures and you're going to use it to make several copies of your hard Willy as gifts for your unsuspecting friends. It captures an amazing level of detail and remains flexible once it sets, but it requires water saturation to maintain its shape. If the mold sits empty for more than a few hours it will start to shrink which is the exact opposite of what you want when copying your penis for your buddies. Either keep production going by keeping the mold filled with curing silicone or top it off with water when not in use. If you're gentle with it and keep it wet, you can expect the mold to last about one week.
If you're like Russ, and want all of your friends to feel your dick inside their asses AND you have enough friends that you think you might qualify for a bulk discount, we're here to help.
Seriously, enter the following Clone-A-Willy coupon code during checkout and it will get you 10% off your next order over $100.
CODE: To All My Friends
It might not be much, but it should leave enough money in your account to help you buy a round of drinks for your friends. They'll likely need it.
Holler if you have questions. We're always happy to help.
-Todd
vibrator didn't exist until the late 1800s. That is, unless you believe in the tale surrounding the Egyptian Queen Cleopatra. According to the story, it was Cleopatra who was the original mastermind behind the pleasuring vibrations; she would fill a hollow gourd full of angry bees causing the hard shell to vibrate until, well, you know the rest.
For centuries, hysteria was a legitimate condition attributed to women that caused irritability, discomfort, anxiety, and depression. In today’s world, this would be considered sexual frustration, but we had long believed that women couldn’t orgasm, so the search for a cure went on. Until the 1900s, just about any symptom a woman felt could be pinned on hysteria. So what did physicians prescribe for such discomfort? Clitoral stimulation! Considered a socially acceptable and effective treatment, physicians and midwives oiled up and massaged women’s vaginas with their fingers while the palm of their hand pressed on the clitoris until a “paroxysm” occurred (see: ORGASM!). The problem was that one treatment wouldn’t cure a woman of hysteria—she had to keep coming back in order to keep the symptoms at bay.
This tiring business of manually masturbating woman after woman pushed physicians to look for an alternative option. The French had invented a hand-held device called Le Trémoussior that produced a vibrating motion on one end, but it still had to be wound by hand. Luckily, the Victorian Era rolled in, and with it came steam-powered machines. In 1869, a physician by the name of George Taylor invented the first steam-powered vibrator, which consisted of a motorized table, a hole, and a throbbing ball…Yikes! Dr. Joseph Mortimer Granville patented the first electromechanical vibrator, The Manipulator, and by the 1900s, about 100 different vibrators of all shapes and sizes and objectives were on the market.
It came after the sewing machine, the fan, the toaster, and the tea kettle. Hamilton Beach, an American manufacturer of home appliances, changed the game when they licensed the first electric vibrator in 1902. By this time, the diagnosis of hysteria was beginning to decline, so creating a device that could be used in the privacy of your own home was ingenious.
values of morality was being unwoven by the 1960s. With that came the acceptance and experimentation of sexual freedom. Feminism and free love were on the rise. And the vibrator was back in action. A cordless electric vibrator was invented. From there, vibrators of all different shapes, sizes, and speeds were designed. The Hitachi Magic Wand was created, teaching us all the power of the clitoral orgasm. Free love for the win!
In the 1990s, a man by the name of Dr. David Claus had been creating life-like materials for prosthetic and medical use down in California. One thing led to another and he ended up creating the first DIY penis molding kits that made a real-life, vibrating replica of your penis. No longer using ancient contraptions that would terrify even the kinkiest of women, the evolution of the vibrator ends at the most personalized vibrator to date.