Whether you find yourself gearing up for a lowkey threesome or the kink event of the century, group sex is all the rage that everyone seems to be trying out. We know to be courteous and clean, but what is going to catch you off guard? Many other lists already cover do’s and don’ts to ensure you have a solid time, but let’s get you ready to expect the unexpected.

 

1. No such thing as perfectly prepared

Read the rules because every party is different. Get consent for everything, even if it’s someone you know. You may not realize that your buddy of 20 years is not actually (or openly) gay and does not want you to go down there. The partner you brought can decide to change their boundaries in the middle of the event, affecting your fun and expectations. You might even be the one who changes your mind. The best preparation is to be open-minded and considerate of yourself and others-- duh!

 

2. Getting fucked up

The same rule of thumb goes for sex work: if you find yourself needing to get really fucked up to be part of the fuck fest, it may not be healthy for you. An altered state of mind does not necessarily enhance the experience, and being way too incapacitated to function during group sex actually sucks for everyone (not least of all because it totally undermines your ability to consent).

 

3. People get really thirsty

Whether you are in on the train or part of the pyramid, group sex can be quite the workout! While everyone is busy exchanging fluids, don’t forget about your body’s best friend: water. Scope out the facility beforehand and ask yourself if it is appropriate to bring deliciously filtered or sealed bottle water for yourself and the others. Don’t arrive totally dehydrated and pass out, and do pee in the restroom (unless someone requests otherwise 💁).

 

4. Where’s the buffet?

Our advice for fuel follows the tips for water. Not every sex gathering is fully serviced with a dinner hour-- you might just be in for a threesome at someone’s private home. Abide by the rules about food, but all this sex makes the body hungry! Honor your needs. A cheesy family-sized lasagna may not be the friendliest, most lustful idea (unless that’s someone’s kink), but snacks for energy and snacks for play are a good idea. Eat early enough in advance so that you’re not digesting a plate of buttered crab legs in the heat of the moment.

 

5. Underlying issues

If you think the orgy will save your jealousy-torn or dying relationship, that is usually not the case. Go see your therapist before you join in because it seems like someone always ends up crying and, unfortunately, not out of ecstatic pleasure. Give plenty of thought to your mental state leading up to the party: it is better to opt out than leave triggered and traumatized or feel distracted, incapable of pleasure, because your cat just died.

 

6. Accessorizing

Bondage jewelry can be relevant to the fun, but plan what you wear on your body as if you are going to a water theme park. If you intend on being in on the action, be mindful of what can scratch other people (let’s count stubbly body hair and Cardi B nails), what you might lose (leave your diamond engagement ring at home), and what can detract from the possibilities (newly tattooed or pierced persons have been warned). Definitely ditch your metal watch. Double up on wig adhesive.

 

7. Everyone farts

If it happens during sex with one person, it can definitely happen during sex with a room full of people. Are you ready for that? Remember: all bodies are good bodies, and the ways they function are beautiful feats of nature! Do not be alarmed if you let out an embarrassing “toot”, or if something else comes out-- seriously. Hopefully no one will notice, or somebody is into it! Laugh, and if you need to, help clean up after yourself.

 

8. Take your meds

Expect group sex to be a like runner’s marathon, and having to call EMT is a very undesirable outcome of what is supposed to be a fun, unforgettable event. Heart condition? Take your meds. Anxiety attacks? Bring your meds. Viagra? Don’t take so much that your erection lasts a concerning amount of time and an ambulance has to take you away.

 

9. Consider the lighting

Is the party outside on a bright, sunny day with a baby oil slip-n-slide? Load up on the level of SPF you need to avoid a real bummer of a sunburn. Dim with devilish red lighting? You can get in a quick gym session to pump up your glamour muscles. Little details can make a big difference to help you feel extra confident, comfortable, and ready to (probably) break a sweat. If you don’t know the conditions, find out from the organizer.

 

10. Aftermath

It is not expected that you always, or ever, leave a group sex experience feeling like the same person you were when you walked in. Hopefully, your expectations were met, fun was had, and everyone survived their multiple orgasms. You may find yourself taking a long, hard look at yourself or needing some support.

 

 

You may discover new things about yourself that affect your sexuality or relationships. You may realize that you love orgies and are a freakin’ great lover! We spend so much time getting ready for group sex that we forget to care for ourselves afterwards. Check up on your mental and physical well-being and give yourself a slice of that big group love.