We’ve had a lot of talk about dildos, dicks, and vibes in the news, which is pretty amazing in and of itself because only thirty years ago, women’s sex toys were still a hugely taboo topic. Heck, a few years ago, sex education was a myth. Now we’ve got celebrities like Whoopi Goldberg, Lady Gaga, and Rihanna freely admitting to using dildos and vibrators. According to a Lovehoney survey, lots of people from all over the world (most notably from Europe, the U.S, and Canada) are now investing in sex toys!

 

With all these new customers, we’re bound to have a few “incidents.” Dildo-related incidents, to be exact. Lots of things happened in 2010s, but today, I am gonna share the best dildo stories. Strap in, folks, it’s gonna be a wild (and slightly curved) ride.

 

I am Deon Black, Professional Sex Toy Reviewer and Author of a Best-Selling Stamina Training Program from Let’s Talk Sex here with the best dildo news of the last decade.

 

Story #1 - A dildo in Newfoundland

Some things are so strange they sound made up. Researching for this article was just a whole lot of laughs because why the hell would anyone name a town “Dildo”?! 

 

 

The town of Dildo is an island in the province of Newfoundland and Labrador. It’s a tiny fishing town with around 1,500 residents. This little town attracted the attention of Emmy Award-winning TV host, Jimmy Kimmel, in the summer of 2019. The host poked fun at the town’s rather ridiculous name for weeks, interviewing several residents, and even going as far as sending a TV crew there. 

You might think that the mockery of their town might have disgruntled many residents, but the unexpected publicity has helped the people of Dildo to reap huge benefits from tourism. Residents of the town have seen a marked increase in business. People from all over the world (but mostly the USA) have come to see what Dildo is all about. With the new influx of tourists, businesses like restaurants, hotels, and souvenir shops have been thriving… so much that I’ve heard the neighboring town is thinking of changing its name to butt plug 😄.

 

Jimmy Kimmel even participated in a mock campaign for Mayor of Dildo. Though it was not real, he was made honorary Mayor of Dildo. 

Residents of Dildo - “Dildoians,” are still super proud of their town and its unique name. And, courtesy of Jimmy Kimmel, they even have it emblazoned on the Dildo’s hills, Hollywood-style. 

 

 

Story #2 – Aquaman Dildo

Wanna have the king of the seas all up in your orifices🍆👅🍑? If you do, I don’t blame you, just looking at Jason Momoa is enough to rob one of all common sense. Fandom-themed dildos are among the most popular sex toys of our generation. And not to take advantage of Jason Momoa's brooding sexiness would be a crime. I mean, look at him!! Hot damn!

 

 

The folks down at Australian-based company, Geeky Sex Toys could completely relate. That’s why they brainstormed and created the AquaMoan, a dildo based off of Aquaman. It’s made of a scaly silicone material and is brightly colored to match Aquaman's scales. It’s also huge as hell. I wonder if they used Clone-A-Willy on Mr. Momoa himself? Wouldn’t surprise me. If you also want to learn how to make a dildo out of your dick, you can check my Clone-A-Willy review.

 

 

There are only 500 AquaMoans in existence, and they’re all sold out. Each AquaMoan comes with a certificate that tells you the number of the AquaMoan you bought. The toy went on sale in late 2018 for AUS$85.00 or just under $59. Now that we’re in 2020, this is a collector’s item, and if you ever encounter it for sale in an auction, be prepared to give up big bucks for it. A King-sized dick doesn’t come cheap, y' know.

 

Story #3 – The Dildo Song

I am not yet through with the little town of Dildo. This town was just a goldmine of news. We’ve already established that the town of Dildo takes pride in its unusual name. But, now we got to see how much pride the citizens have in it. In the summer of 2019, the anthem of Dildo, Newfoundland, was discovered. 

The anthem, named The Dildo Song was created by 73-year old John Reid in the 1980s when there was a petition going round to rename the town. He sang the song at town gatherings to inspire pride for their town's unique name. In the years since it’s transformed from a simple song to the town’s anthem and was played to the ears of the world through Jimmy Kimmel’s late-night show in 2019.

John Reid A.K.A Uncle John has signed a five-year recording deal with a company in Alberta. His nephew, Dean Reid and Sheldon Reid have recorded covers of the song, but the official video was released in September 2019 with Uncle John singing lead while Sheldon and Dean Reid sang backup.

If you haven’t heard it yet, drop whatever you are doing and listen to it here.

 

 

Story #4 – Down-Under donation dildo

The same creators of the Aquaman dildo have shown themselves to be a pretty forward-thinking lot. They make superhero sex toys, and just a few days ago, they announced a new dildo. Only this one is not just for pleasure and fantasy; it’s for their home as well.

 

The Australia-based sex toy company has introduced the Down-Under donation dildo in a bid to raise funds to help with the ongoing Australian bush fires. I am 100% serious, this is a real thing, people. Geeky Sex Toys pledged to donate all profits to relief efforts and is giving updates of the amount earned and what charity they’re gonna donate to on their twitter account.

 

The sex toy in question is extremely patriotic. Its base is shaped like Australia, on the shaft, there’s a koala 🐨 inscribed on it. It’s brightly colored in yellow and green and is priced at AUS$69 or just under $48. And kinky well-wishers of Australia are really going for this toy. As of Saturday, January 18th, 2020, the Down-Under donation dildo has pulled in about AUS$25,000. Hats off to them for creating a way to help those in need and those who have an orgasm at the same time. 

 

If you’re interested, you can follow the progress of the Down-Under donation.

 

Story #5 – Dildo Lash Mishap

It’s not every day we see a dildo at a club. It’s also not every day we see lashes get taken off courtesy of said dildo. But I saw both in a video that Ms. Tegan Denham posted on Twitter. She was dancing in Bongo Bingo, a club while waving a double-ended dildo (quite a big one, at that). The ungrateful dildo whacked her in the eye, but she continued to dance because YOLO. It was later while assessing the damage that she realized a chink of her eyelashes were missing. Cue the horror😱.

  

 

She captioned her tweet, “You actually couldn’t write my life, tonight I went to bongos bingo and got hit in the face with a double-ended dildo, and it took a full lashes work of extension off. What. The. Heck.”

It’s a real tragedy because the unscathed eyelashes are looking pretty fly. Have you watched the video yet?

 

Story #6 – The cock clock

Now, this is another of those unfortunate objects that are meant to be useful, but sadly, is not. What makes the Brno clock even sadder is that it’s shaped like a cock.

  

 

 

The astronomical clock is located in Náměstí Svobody, the main square in Brno, Czech Republic. It was intended to attract tourists, but it hasn’t worked out as it was supposed to. First of all, the clock has an extremely phallic shape. Second, no one really knows how to tell the time except for the hour of 11 am 🕚 when it releases a small ball into the street and sends locals into a frenzy of ball-chasing. Not a pretty sight for tourists.

 

This tourist attraction hasn’t improved in the nearly ten years since it was built. Sad, ‘cause apart from looking like a dildo, it also looks kinda futuristic. Or is that just me?

 

 I am done for today!

So, these are the top dildo stories of the past year. I hope a few of them gave you a laugh or two. And hopefully taught you not to swing a double-ended dildo around. Those things can hurt, y’ know? Careful with your sex toys, people, or you might find your story in someone’s recommended news.