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There are days when the world feels too loud to even hear yourself. In those moments, intimacy can be deprioritized and feel so far away. 

Obviously we aren’t able to give solutions to the current state of things, or share solutions to “fix” all that you may be feeling. We’re here to share tender, science-backed, and trauma-aware ways to reconnect with your body and intimacy, even when everything feels like too much. 

Intimacy and anxiety can coexist, you just need the tools to make space for both. Here’s to navigating sexual intimacy, even when the world is on fire!

Why Anxiety Disrupts Intimacy
Here’s what’s happening in your body when collective stress hits:

• Your nervous system flips into survival mode with full-on cortisol spikes. It’s normal for arousal to feel impossible.

• Your body deprioritizes pleasure because in a stressed-out mode, your brain doesn’t think sex is essential.

• You disconnect from sensation. Chronic overwhelm can shrink our capacity for presence, pleasure, and vulnerability.

A 2023 article from Psychology Today confirms that individuals with higher anxiety and less emotional regulation often experience less sexual satisfaction. 

What You Can Actually Do
You don’t need a partner to feel connected! Here’s how to come home to yourself:

• Give your body a safe word: Pick a word, sound, or gesture that signals “I’m safe. I’m home. I’m listening.” Repeat it during breathwork, mirror work, or even while taking care of any self-care routines.

• Touch without any expectations: Not all touch needs to be sexual to be sensual. Try touching like you’re rediscovering texture or holding your own face with tenderness.

• Choose comfort-first eroticism: Lay down in something cozy, light a candle, and play a sexy soundtrack.

• Move energy through you: If you're feeling overwhelmed, try 5–10 minutes of movement. Shaking, rolling, and dancing are some of the movements that can activate your vagus nerve. This helps regulate stress and reopen pathways to both sensation and presence.

• Give yourself an intimacy hour: Explore practices around intentional solitude and pleasure through:

• Journaling on how you want to feel in your body today, and what’s blocking you from feeling that.

• Read, listen, or watch something that feels erotic to you. 

• Take part in a nourishing and sexy ritual you deeply connect with. 
  
  

When You Do Want Connection
Here are slow, intentional ways to invite others in: 

• Make it part of your intimacy to check-in and share how you’re feeling in your body before sex. 

• Cuddle without any expectations.

• Use grounding consent scripts

• “Can we slow down together?”

• “What kind of touch would feel good for you right now?”

• “I want to be close, but I’m still in a tender place. Can we meet there?”
  

Trauma-Informed Sex Educators:

• Ev’Yan Whitney is a somatic practitioner, sensualist, and sexuality doula.

• Dr. Laura McGuire is an AASECT & ABS Sexologist, advocate for trauma-informed sex ed in schools, institutions, and workplaces, and the author of “Creating Cultures of Consent”.

• Jimanekia Eborn is a trauma specialist and founder of Tending the Garden. She focuses on sexual trauma recovery and Black/queer-centered community healing.

• Hannah Dahlen is a midwife and birth/sexuality trauma researcher. She is known for work on birth trauma and body-based healing for postpartum sexuality.

• Dr. Lexx is a Black, queer-inclusive sex therapist and educator. She specializes in racial and sexual identity, trauma, and kink-positive care.

• Kai Cheng Thom is a somatics teacher, somatic bodyworker, hypnotherapist, and transformative justice facilitator.

• Chantelle Otten is a clinical sexologist focusing on pelvic health and trauma education.

• Sel Nguye is a queer relationship and sex therapist and co-founder of Love Club. 

• Casey Tanner MA, LCPC, CST is a queer, trauma-informed sex therapist.
  
  

Connecting With Community IRL
Sometimes what we need is real presence. Explore ways to connect offline:

• Host or attend a consent-forward intimacy salon.

• Join local mutual aid networks that offer mental health support.

• Start small: forest walks, themed dinners, open journaling meetups, co-regulating hangouts.

Apps and local publications often list sex-positive events, support circles, and community gatherings. You can also do it old-fashioned-style and check the bulletin board of your local sex positive shops, cafes, bars, libraries, and community centers.

TLDR

• Anxiety can disrupt your sense of intimacy, but it’s not your fault.

• Safety, regulation, and eroticism can coexist.

• Solo tools matter just as much as partnered ones.

• Find your way back to yourself in small steps.

• Learning from trauma-informed educators and connecting with community helps build sustainable intimacy over time.
  
  

Whether you're easing back into your body or navigating the deep end of intimacy, there’s more where this came from. Find more resources and reflections on our blog and Instagram. You’re not alone 🫂