Somewhere between digital dopamine loops and DMs decaying on read, we forgot that dating doesn’t always need to take place through a screen. Forbes recently reported that 79% of Gen Z feel “dating app burnout - citing emotional, mental, and physical exhaustion from using apps like Tinder and Bumble”. The Washington Post confirms the swipe spiral is leading to real-world impacts on self-esteem and mental health, especially among women and queer folks. Even the New York Times notes an IRL dating revival, where meetcutes aren’t just a rom-com fantasy but a cultural craving.

There’s a specific kind of magic to meeting someone in real life, without an interface beckoning a swipe decision. This week, we want to dive into a more 🖐️ touch-grass 🖐️way to date!

The IRL Reframe

• The beauty of shared context: Meeting through family, friends, colleagues, art, shows, or community spaces adds so much depth, clarity and chemistry.
• Stronger chemistry through embodied signals: You experience eye contact, pacing, body language, and so much more through real life interactions. These are things the algorithm definitely can’t decode.
• Less pressure for big decisions: Ever feel like you accidentally lost the love of your life by swiping the wrong way? At least in person, there’s no pressure to match in seconds or even make bold moves - just presence and curiosity.

Antidotes to Dating App-induced Existential Dread

The 10/90 Shift
Put 10% (or less) of your energy into apps, and 90% (or way more) into real-life moments. 

• Be open to flirting whenever you experience unexpected chemistry. 
• Show up alone to an event that is deeply connected to your interests and values. 
• Let friends play matchmaker!
• Stay open to spontaneous conversations at the park, in line at the grocery store, or on the train.
• Try to watch the world with more wonder. How often do we miss meetcutes because we’re scrolling?

Reflection Prompts

• Where are 5 spaces people with shared interests and values might hang out?

• What could 3 months without dating apps look like? 6 months? 1 year?
• When was the last time someone surprised you IRL, and how did it feel?
• If you could design your own meetcute, what would it look like?

Swipe Mood Tracking
Before and after app sessions, take note of your emotional state. Consider taking a break if your results are showing that one might be beneficial. 

One Question IRL Flirt
Try asking a stranger one genuine, open-ended question this week, like:

• “What are you looking forward to most this week?”
• “If you had a spontaneous afternoon off, how would you spend it?”
• “What’s your go-to comfort movie or series right now?”
• “Have you seen any art lately that’s knocked you off your feet?”
• “What scent reminds you of home?”

If you need a reason to believe again in face-to-face flirting, this is your sign. If you need anything more, like memes or sex-positive and body safe at-home kits, we’re here 🫶