Art by Maria Regine
Sex with plus sized partners is a topic that comes up frequently in my life from both women and men alike. For context, I'm a 6ft tall 275 lb. 28-year-old Scorpio woman who identifies as plus-sized. It's taken YEARS to get to the point where I can be fully naked in front of someone and feel like the baddest bitch in the room. I want to share some of my personal experiences and what helped build my confidence up.
Social media support and the platform I've built have helped my self-confidence so much by allowing me to connect with like body types and form supportive relationships that I didn't have previously. With the shift in social media culture, plus-size bodies, like myself, feel more empowered. We see ourselves more often, and this visibility is starting to kill the idea that we are unlovable or unattractive.
Through this surge in the awareness that so many body types exist, we have begun to see how everyone is included in conversations about intimacy. Daily posts showing our bodies(clothed or unclothed), talking about partnerships, this feeds growth! This connectedness has allowed me to grow into an outgoing and confident person. This has afforded me to experience a range of dating partners and lovers that are here for my body because they match my new found energy. When we put that energy out into the world, whether it be virtual or in person, we can expect to meet with passion.
While overall I've had positive experiences, there are those who are just experimenting or fetishizing my body…the "I'd never be with a big girl, but you're cute" types that are scared to bring me around functions. These are typically straight, male identities. Because of these experiences, my partner seeking has changed over the years.
Often the best lovers are those who are here for my body. They don't question their space between mine; rather they embrace what we make together. There's more often a feeling of respect and wonder. I feel powerful and sexy when I'm with someone who loves my body as much as I do. It's a magical space and one I think everyone deserves to have. Your body is worthy of love and passion...no matter the size.
To explore this energy a little bit, I asked two of my partners to describe their experience with other plus-sized partners and me. I asked them, "What is your experience? Favorite position? How is our sex? What would you tell other plus-size partners, if anything?" Here are their answers :
"My favorite position with bigger girls would be doggy or you on top riding. The weight when she's on top feels really good. It does make it hard not to cum fast, though...We have amazing sex!"
"Sex with someone who is plus-sized is honestly awesome. I love the shape and feel of plus-sized women. I think my favorite position with plus-sized women is doggy style because I love being able to grab their waist. Our experience was awesome. You have an amazing body and personality to boot. Plus you are a very good lover:) 10/10 would do again."
Their responses were based on my personality and our vibe together, but my body type enhanced the experience. They allowed me to be present with them and be myself. In turn, I was able to be fully open with them sexually and try new things with them that they hadn't tried (like being f*cked with my new toy on my couch while he watched in awe). It allowed me to cum feeling totally uninhibited by any past insecurities. I didn't care about my stretch marks…they traced them with their fingertips. I wasn't worried about turning them on... they got boners just by looking at me.
Give yourself the chance to prove to you that you are sexy and wanted by seeking partners that aren't trying to figure out if they're attracted to you. When someone engages you sexually with uncertain or negative energy, it rubs off. It may not translate immediately, but we feel the effects after. This often looks like questioning our worth, our sexual value. Distancing ourselves from those interactions can be hard, but it is possible and beautiful when we figure out how to.
Being confident is something that has to be built up. The best way to get into this space is to spend time alone prior to seeing a partner. Self-play is not only a sexy way to warm up, and it can allow you to get in tune with yourself before interacting with another. Masturbation not only allows you to learn your body but has been linked to improving sleep, making orgasm easier to achieve, increase in sex drive, and boosts self-esteem. Cultivate a daily practice of touching yourself in a sensual way, even if it doesn't lead to masturbation, so you can achieve that connectedness with your body.
That's all I have for today. No matter your size, remember that sex is a ritual that begins and ends with you. It has to be learned and cultivated with intention. Now grab your dildo and get to work ;)