MAPPING THE VULVA:
Anatomy, Communication, Touch, & Pleasure
This week we are celebrating the vulva! Check out this review of a recent She-Bop class and keep an eye for our brand new Clone-A-Pussy packaging!
Our Clone-A-Pussy kit allows any dame to get to know her lady bits on a whole new level. Explore. Empower. Craft.
Stella Harris hosted a class Sunday night at She Bop called, “Mapping the Vulva: Anatomy, Communication, Touch and Pleasure”. She broke the ice by asking all 35 of us which words we liked to use.
People offered “yoni”, “vajayjay” and “hoohah” right away. ”Pussy” and “bajingle” followed with the right amount of hesitation. Harris followed the quick exercise by asking which words we didn’t like, and those flowed through the room so much faster. “Cunt”. “Snatch”. “Twat”. Someone also offered “pussy”. Harris immediately pointed out that this happens almost every time, where a word shows up on both lists. She transitioned to explaining why we were doing all of this in the first place.
“You can’t assume what language someone likes to use with their body.”
Harris offered better solutions to this aspect of relationships, whether they’re just beginning or long-standing. Ask. Because people usually feel deeply connected to language associated with their body, it’s best to have that communicated. Add this to your safe sex conversation. Explain what you like and what you don’t like. If the situation doesn’t seem right or you’re looking to avoid directly asking, just wait. Listen and mirror the language that someone uses with their own body or perhaps volunteer information first to create that open space for them to talk about it too. Avoid euphemisms and phrases that seem to have been generally accepted by pop culture.
A lot of the conversation we have when we are figuring out what a partner likes is the simple question while doing, “does that feel okay?” It is important to do better than that, to avoid yes or no questions. Try using scales, asking about how pleasurable something feels. Offer a choice between two things like, harder or softer? Ask if they prefer the left or the right? Ask what would make that specific thing feel better. Make it a game.
Set an intention to experiment and try things with your partner. Harris explained that experimentation takes the fear out of failure. Every body is different. Just because one technique works on one partner, it doesn’t mean it will work for the next or even the next time with the same person. If something doesn’t feel right, try something else. Begin with activities less charged with ego, like massage. When touch becomes goal oriented, it’s inherently less pleasurable.
“It takes around 40 minutes for a female to experience full arousal. Slow down.”
We were all asked to take our hand and run it down our arm in a sensual way, then asked to do it again at half speed. Harris asked us how we felt with the difference and some audience members said they felt more connected. They anticipated more. The conversation that followed emphasized timing and how the body doesn’t just work on command. To explain in detail, Harris dove into anatomy. We were given printouts with four different diagrams that were waiting on all of our seats in the beginning of class. She explained that the “g spot” is more of a region than a spot, and that the region which includes the urethral sponge is the last area to experience arousal.
At the age of 17, Harris was lucky enough to have her gynecologist show her everything and give her a tour of her body. She acknowledged that this is a rare situation and stated that only 26% of women have closely looked at their genitals. Because of the expectations set in due to things like Barbie dolls and Playboy, the first look is usually a surprising one. Some women in the class shared their first thoughts.
“I thought it was beautiful.”
“I thought it looked disgusting.”
Those extreme differences in thought opened up the conversation regarding self talk, particularly negative self talk. Harris gave us our first homework assignment: eliminate the negative and replace it with a positive statement.
Stella Harris led a class that was much more informative than lecturing about the vulva. Within 90 minutes, she gave a detailed account of her knowledge of female anatomy, techniques that people may like, and amazing communication advice for partners and for yourself.
One question you can ask yourself now is, how would you describe the way you want to be touched?
You can find more information about the sex and intimacy coach, Stella Harris through her website:
and more about She Bop and their body safe tools at the shop or through their website:
909 N. BEECH ST, PORTLAND OREGON
