Letter written to Dan Savage and shared on the Seattle Stranger's SLOG - Savage Love.
FIND THE ORIGINAL ARTICLE HERE!

While I can certainly appreciate what’s hot about this fantasy, CUMDUMP, I can’t sign off on your proposed remedy to your husband's inability to be in two places/holes at once. Sucking on a defrosted lump of come just sounds nasty. And while you've given off-the-shelf dildos a try and found them lacking, there's another dildo option you might want to consider.

“A timeless philosophical quandary: How can one person be in two places at the same time?” said Todd Jarnagin of Clone-A-Willy, makers of the in-home penis molding kit. “Or how can CUMDUMP get fucked by her husband while simultaneously having her husband come in her mouth? Two husbands would be the obvious answer but CUMDUMP ruled inviting others to join. And we can’t currently help her find your husband’s alternate-universe double. But I think we do have the solution for you: Clone A Willy.”

This is an unsurprising suggestion... considering that Jarnagin works for Clone A Willy, a sex toy company based in Portland, Oregon. But creating a replica of your husband's cock really is your only realistic/non-icktastic/monogamous option.

And you won't just be replicating your husband's cock, CUMDUMP, you'll be improving on it.

“The Clone A Willy kit allows a person to make a vibrating silicone replica of an erect penis,” said Jarnagin. “Using our product would allow CUMDUMP's husband to penetrate CUMDUMP while he was coming in her mouth. Hell, they could make two copies of his penis and use both while he came in her mouth.”

Hell, you could make three clones of you husband's cock, CUMDUMP, and stuff one up your husband's ass while the other two clones are stuffing your holes—or, hell, why not go crazy and make FOUR clones? Then you can toss one out an open window and onto your lawn while you're using the other three.

“The mold is a fast-setting alginate similar to what dentists use when making casts of teeth, so it captures every detail,” said Jarnagin, “and the silicone is 100% platinum cure, so the entire process is hypoallergenic and body-safe. It requires a little prep work, so CUMDUMP should plan on spending one night getting her husband hard for the purposes of making a mold and then waiting 24 hours for the silicone to cure. She can plan on spending the next night with a vibrating clone of her husband fucking her while he comes in her mouth! Philosophical quandary solved!”