Following up from our blog last week, we wanted to give this topic a go: exploring your sexual fantasies. ❤️🔥

Sexual fantasies can be complicated, contradictory, incredibly specific, completely unrealistic, or pure pleasure. They can be about a person, a feeling, a power dynamic, a particular setting, or something entirely unexplainable. Sometimes fantasies are things we genuinely want to explore, while other times they are best left in our imagination.

1. Start with self reflection.
Instead of immediately asking, “Do I want to do this?”, try asking:

• What part of this is actually exciting to me?

• Is it the person, the setting, the novelty, the power dynamic?

• Do I want the experience, or the feeling underneath it?

• Which parts work better in my imagination?

• What would I keep if I removed the parts that make me uncomfortable?.

2. Remember that you are allowed to have your own weird little brain cinema.
The fact that something turns you on in your imagination does not mean you secretly want to make it happen in real life. Our brains are allowed to play around with scenarios that would be impractical, impossible, embarrassing, etc etc..

3. Try out the “YES / MAYBE / NO” method.
If you are exploring fantasies with someone else, make three lists.

YES = things everyone involved in the conversation is genuinely interested in exploring

MAYBE = things that sound interesting but need more communication, information, trust or time

NO = things anyone involved does not want to do

4. Time to give things a try? 🥵
Make sure everyone involved establishes a safe word! It’s also important to spend time researching all ways everyone experiences satisfaction throughout the experience, and best safety practices..

Did you ever wonder what are the most common fantasies?
Social psychologist and author Justin J. Lehmiller, Ph.D. asked 4,175 Americans to describe their favorite sexual fantasy in their own words, then pulled those responses into seven recurring themes. The results are a pretty interesting reminder that there is no single formula for what people find exciting. 

Here are the most common themes:

• Passion, romance & intimacy: A lot of people imagine sex as a way of feeling closer, more connected, or more intensely desired by a partner.

• Multi-partner sex: Fantasies involving multiple partners came up frequently in Lehmiller’s research. 

• Rough or dominant sex: Power dynamics also appeared regularly, with many people fantasizing about giving up control, taking control, or exploring a more intense dynamic.

• Novelty, adventure & variety: A change of scenery can apparently go a long way. New locations, different positions, or simply doing something outside the usual routine all made the list.

• Taboo activities: Some fantasies revolve around things that feel unusual, forbidden, or outside the boundaries of everyday life. 

• Non-monogamy: Fantasies involving non-monogamous experiences were another recurring theme. 

• Erotic flexibility: Lehmiller also found fantasies involving gender-bending and sexual fluidity across people of different sexual orientations.

For more sex-positive ideas around pleasure, intimacy, experimentation and making things a little more tangible, explore the Clone-A-Willy  Blog and or follow along on Instagram. 🍬