As you might expect, we get our share of strange and humorous emails at Clone-A-Willy. Here's a real email we received and some thoughts on it. 

This one is a three part email thread with a customer and our Customer Care Guru, Todd.

hey my pump is broke or sumthing the bulb squeezes but no pressure suction the litle red part valve?how do i et my pressure back it hapend before but its not suctioning again?wtf? also iam looking for some nicer dik sleeves gummyrubber

I'm sorry for the trouble with the pump.  Let me know the last name the order was placed under and it will help me diagnose what might be wrong with it.
Thanks!
-Todd
Customer Care

i fixed it, it had a crumb in it,so the bulb piece pops out and the red pin in the metal the end nozel piece that pushes the air out in was jammed or there was no presure ,....id like to design a pump model myself theres some flaws i ran into with the model broken or bad peices. is this possible i alos make sextoys/designs [iam an artist] is there some way i could get some of my toys made into something?  im still looking for a gummyruber base cover.send to a sex store nearby? 

I remain unsure how to reply to this guy's question. After reading the first email I assumed that he was drunk and signing his name as gummyrubber. I needed some clarification so I asked for Gummyrubber's last name in the hopes that I could identify the penis pump he purchased and perhaps get a few more clues.

We do indeed sell penis pumps and they work great with the Clone-A-Willy kits. For those unfamiliar with the concept, a penis pump is a suction device that creates a vacuum which sucks blood and skin into an airtight chamber forcing an erection. Think of it as a big hickey machine powered by a handheld rubber bulb not unlike what's used by medical personnel when they check your blood pressure. It sounds medieval and painful, but if done correctly, it really is an inexpensive and effective way to get a boner. Especially if you're nervous about sticking your manhood into a strange mixture for the purposes of penis cloning. It's also good for general erectile dysfunction if you're too embarrassed to ask your doctor for Viagra. Like I said, we have several available here and they sell well.

Gummyrubber's second email answered some of the questions I had, only to leave a few more rising to the surface in their wake. First off, Gummyrubber has difficulty spelling, but his problem-solving skills seem too advanced for him to just be drunk. He's definitely sober enough to discover a few flaws with his penis pump. The main problem of course is that pesky crumb. I've thought about this and can (sadly) almost picture it. Gummyrubber is standing naked with his lubed penis in a vacuum chamber. He's flushed, sweating, thinking sexy thoughts and he's steadily pumping the bulb that removes air from the chamber with one hand while the other hand frantically forages for the largest Cheeto in the bag?!! "Come on, come on, come on..." he quietly chants to his penis as the rhythmic sound of the pumping is only briefly interrupted by the occasional crunch. (Like I said, I can picture it and now you probably can too—Sorry! I should have warned you). My overall advice to him might be to focus more on the boner and less on the food with crumbs! But whatever floats that boat of yours is okay with me.

Perhaps the most important question is who out there would like to try out one of his custom-designed sex toys? He actually seems to have a pretty good understanding of the intricacies of how the pumps work, so I bet he has some decent designs. If nothing else, they'll likely be crumb-proof.

Holler if you have questions. I'm always happy to help.

        -Todd