Valentine’s Day has always seemed to come with a script: dinner by candlelight, a box of chocolates shaped like a heart, a dozen red roses, and the general idea that love is something best performed by two people gazing at each other across a table. Not that there’s anything wrong with romance, but this particular version of the holiday tends to leave a lot of people out: single people, people in long-distance relationships, people who are grieving or healing, or just people who don’t feel like playing along with the whole red-roses-and-chocolate routine.

Maybe this year, we could try something different. Love isn’t so one-dimensional, pleasure isn’t some treat you have to earn, and care doesn’t need to wait around for a plus-one!

Moving Beyond the Couple-Centric Narrative

Romantic love is great, of course, but it’s not the only way people connect. If Valentine’s Day could be about celebrating love in all its forms, we could create space for:

• Self-love and personal growth
• Friendships that nourish and sustain us
• Chosen family and community
• Healing, resilience, and emotional intimacy
• Queer, non-traditional, and evolving relationship structures

If we stopped asking, 'So, who are you with?' and started asking, 'How are you taking care of yourself, or anyone else, for that matter?' the whole thing might feel a bit more like an actual celebration.

Pleasure as a Form of Care

Somewhere along the line, pleasure got filed under 'things you’re supposed to feel guilty about' or 'rewards for finishing your chores.' But it’s not actually a luxury item.

Pleasure, as it turns out, is good for you. When you lean into pleasure, your body does all sorts of helpful things, like releasing nice hormones, calming down, balancing out your immune system, and regulating your emotions. It’s a reminder that you’re here to feel and connect and enjoy being alive.

Exploring your body, your desires, and your boundaries is an act rooted in agency, curiosity, and care. Figuring out what you actually like, what feels good, what doesn’t, what you want more of, what you’d like to skip altogether, all allows you to have a deeper understanding of yourself. This knowledge strengthens every relationship you choose to engage in, platonic, romantic, professional, or otherwise.

Redefining Connection

You don’t need a romantic partner to feel connected, and intimacy isn’t reserved for people who have a Spotify Duo account. There are plenty of ways to feel close to someone, or even just to yourself.

• Solo rituals that center your body and breath
• Sensual mindfulness and embodied presence
• Open and honest conversations with friends
• Creative expression
• Rest, self-soothing, and intentional touch

It turns out, the whole 'know yourself' thing is actually really useful. The more you figure out what you need and want (and what you absolutely do not want), the easier it is to talk to other people, or at least to avoid accidentally agreeing to things you wish you hadn’t. It equips you better to communicate, receive, and offer intimacy in all its forms, and also to advocate for yourself.

From Consumption to Conscious Celebration

As Valentine’s Day has become increasingly commercialized, there’s quite a lot of pressure to make a purchase just to prove you care. The message is clear: love is something you can (and maybe should) buy.

This year, consider shifting from consumption to intention: instead of buying something to check a box, you could try to ask yourself how you can do something that actually feels like love. Or at least, maybe something that doesn’t require a receipt.

Instead of chasing a “perfect” Valentine’s Day moment, create one that feels nourishing and real. Just do something that actually feels good, even if it’s eating takeout in your pajamas. Love doesn’t have to look a certain way, and you don’t have to measure your worth in gifts received or Instagram story likes.

LEARN HOW TO MAKE YOUR OWN CONDOM ROSES!

How to Celebrate Valentine’s Day, Redefined

Here are a few ideas to make Valentine’s Day a little less about buying stuff and a little more about actually feeling something:

1. Create a Self-Love Ritual

Set aside uninterrupted time to explore your body, breath, and sensations without performance, comparison, or expectation. Maybe that means a long bath, or stretching in your living room, or treating yourself to cooking an extra elaborate dinner. You can do all of the above alone, with someone else, or with your cat.

2. Celebrate Friendship and Community

Invite some friends over (or just text them a bunch of heart emojis). Eat snacks, tell stories, sit around together not doing much. Sometimes the best kind of connection is the kind where nobody feels like they have to be interesting.

3. Express Your Love

Write a love letter. It could be to your partner, your lover, your best friend, or your future self. Spray it with your perfume, doodle on the edges in pastels or markers, and seal it with wax or a sticker.

4. Have Intentional Conversations

If you’re with a partner, you can use the day as an excuse to actually talk to each other. Ask what you both want to do before next Valentine’s Day, as a couple or solo. What are your goals? How can you support one another in them?

5. Practice Sensory Care

Light a candle, put on music you actually like, wrap yourself in a blanket that doesn’t itch, and see what happens. Pleasure doesn’t have to be dramatic or even particularly interesting to count.

6. Invest in Tools That Support You 

If you do really want to buy something, make it something that actually helps you feel better. It could be a journal, a weirdly shaped pillow, a new sex toy, or a little tchotchke you saw at a local shop that made you happy. The point is to make your life a little easier or more pleasurable, not to impress anyone.

A Valentine’s Day for Everyone

Valentine’s Day isn’t about finding your missing half. You’re not incomplete or lacking.

Maybe this year, Valentine’s Day could be about noticing that you’re already whole. Love isn’t something you have to earn, or prove, or show off. You’re already allowed to have care, connection, and pleasure, just as you are.

Happy Valentine’s Day, redefined. ;)