A Review of “Pleasure, Power, and Pain:
An Introduction to BDSM"
Early last year, Portland was named the “kinkiest city in America”, which was based on the “city’s total kink population, the number of kink-aware professionals listed in the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom’s (NCSF) resource directory, and on pornography purchase data collected by the study’s author, BDSM porn site Kink.com”. It shouldn’t have been a surprise that Thursday night’s class at She Bop was completely full. Led by sex educator Annamarie Stockwell, who has been presenting and teaching workshops on sexuality, polyamory, and BDSM in the Portland area and around the west coast since 2006, was leading this specific class to explain and introduce audience members to the world of kink and BDSM.
Stockwell began by explaining a few terms used in kink.
A scene is period of time doing an activity. Dungeons and play-spaces are modified or dedicated spaces for kink. Play is a verbal and or physical connection between people, which can look like so many different things. There are roles within a scene. A top is the person giving out sensations. Dominant is describing the one in control of the scene. These two are not mutually exclusive. A bottom is the one who receives the sensation. Submissive is describing the person who is relinquishing power. These two are also not mutually exclusive. A switch is all of the things mentioned above and Stockwell’s preferred role in order to experience all dynamics possible.
So, why BDSM? This explanation extends beyond sexuality. Some are curious to experience their bodies in new ways. Catharsis, spirituality, and pain relief are a few others. For some, this is the most appropriate way to explore power dynamics and experience what it’s truly like to be submissive or dominant or both. Negotiations are important to communicate.
The first things to do before venturing into this world of kink are simple but crucial. Check in with yourself. Spend enough time self reflecting through research on what you want to explore. Communicate your health concerns. Know your “safe word” system, whether it is just that or the stoplight system: using red, yellow and green to determine your comfort level within a scene. Use what works for you.
Aftercare is another crucial aspect of the process. Determine what you need after a scene in order to take care of yourself. At the base level, have food, water, a blanket and decompression time available. For the inexperienced, consider how your body feels after extreme physical activity. “The drop”, named for the intense down someone experiences after a scene is normal and should be acknowledged in order to take care of yourself. Stockwell mentioned that it’s important to connect with the person you played with.
Stockwell spent a significant amount of time during the class demonstrating where to hit people, where not to hit people, and how to do it. Aim for the chest, butt, thighs, back, back of calves, bottoms of feet, armpits and face. Avoid any previously communicated areas, the spine, neck, wrists, joints, sternum, knees, toes, fingers, kidneys and bones near the surface of the skin. We spent time on techniques in play, with Stockwell using audience members to. Use blindfolds, especially if you’re new to all of this. You’ll be able to hide some awkward performance calls. Silk won’t get the job done, but it will look and feel good. There are so many ways to spank just with the positioning of your hand. Aim for the sweet spot between the bulk of the butt and upper thigh. My favorite take away? Invest in a universal handcuff key. You’ll be someone’s hero one day, and that’s a beautiful power dynamic to experience.
Set specifics to help put yourself in the right mindspace. Be intentional with the space, the lighting, and the rituals you create to set up the scene. Have a short list of what is off-limits to do you instead of planning specifically what you want to happen in the scene.
“Boundaries give you more freedom.”
Stockwell put a tremendous amount of emphasis on communication and preparation before diving in. With that said, she also explained that exploring areas you normally think you would feel uncomfortable in is important. Push your boundaries. Isn’t that why you’re here?
