Inside the Empire: Meet Todd!
If you're familiar with Clone-A-Willy, then you've probably seen our How-To Clone-A-Willy video from back in the day. The guy with the cucumber is Todd. He's awesome. Keep reading to get to know more about him and his sweet pup.
What is your name?
Todd Jarnagin
What city were you born in?
Des Moines, Iowa
How long have you lived in Portland?
17 years
How long have you worked at Empire Labs (Clone-A-Willy)?
10 years
Have you ever cloned your willy and/or other body parts?
I've cloned my hands, ears, face and fingers. No comment on the willy.
Who would play you in a movie?
Richard Burton
If you had to sing karaoke, what would your go-to song be?
I usually sing:
But I also like to sing:
because people will sing along.
When you're not working at Empire, what are you doing?
Sleeping, hiking, camping, throwing pottery or recording music.
What is your biggest pet peeve?
Waking up before I'm done sleeping.
What is your biggest fear?
Being turned into a woman for a day.
Cats or dogs?
Dogs
Burrito or burger?
Pizza?
Ocean or mountains?
Mountains
Pepsi or coke?
Yes, please; with a little ice and bourbon. Thank you.
Britney or Christina?
Christina Aguilera
Can you play an instrument?
Yes
Do you speak any other language?
The language of love and mathematics. Ha. Just kidding. I don't speak either of those languages. Just English, but I speak it really really good.
If you could be the opposite sex for one day, what would you do?
If I could be a woman for just one day I'd probably spend the entire day trying to convince everyone I know that I've been turned into a woman. "I swear to god! It's me, TODD! HELP ME! SOMETHING TERRIBLE HAS HAPPENED!" I'd go to the nearest emergency room and the doctors would be very confused, but not as confused as they'd be in a few hours when I magically turned back into a man. At that point I'd become an astonishing medical curiosity and probably spend the rest of my life touring the world with a gentle, compassionate doctor as a live medical specimen—like the Elephant Man. I'd get paid vast sums of money just to stand on stage for an hour a day in front of curious crowds of doctors and professors and their well-dressed wives as the good doctor shared my amazing story. Or I would tour the dusty back roads of America sleeping on a hay bale in a bedbug infested tent working for a sadistic, heartless circus ringleader as a sideshow freak like the younger Elephant Man. He would probably poke me with a stick and spit on me while small children tossed quarters and nickels at me. I'd be asked to show my genitals to strangers even though there would be no evidence that I had ever been anything other than a man. It would be a very dark and confusing period of my life and I'd rather not talk about it, thank you very much.
Either way, the rest of my entire existence would likely be spent thinking about that one terrifying day and how, if I had only known it was going to last just a few hours, I would have tried to enjoy it. I also probably would have tried to make out with my wife in front of a mirror.
If you could mold any part of your body, what would it be?
My right elbow.
What would you want your last words to be before you leave this earth?
Anything other than, "OH NO!" would be just fine with me.
Is there anything else we should know about you?
My dog's secret name is Baron Tamraz
