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    Blog — hump day

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    A Guide to Portland’s Naughtiest Spots

    With the exponential rise in Portland’s popularity, hundreds of guides have been written to cover the trendiest and tastiest places in the city. Known for our array of strange businesses and quirky citizens, there is plenty to see and fun to be had, so Clone-A-Willy jumped on the bandwagon and put together our own, naughtier guide to Portland.
     
    Experience: Strip Clubs
    Yes, we boast the most strip clubs per capita. Yes, the dancers get fully nude. And yes, they serve local booze in classic Portland fashion. Many Portlanders have differing opinions (quite strong ones, at that) on the best dancers, the best music, the best steak, and the overall best joint. We don’t think you’ll be disappointed wherever you go, but we're going to highlight four:
    • Sassy’s The dancers are great. The music is fun. The drinks are cheap. The patio is decent. It’s centrally located. It’s always a party. It’s the best. Just go. 
    • Casa Diablo It’s a vegan club—seriously! Even the clothes the dancers take off can’t be made from animals. It gets crazy. Really crazy. I’ve seen women from the audience get their shirts taken off and sexual activities go down on stage. It’s a bit out of the way in terms of location, but it’s worth a visit. Take a cab. 
    • Devil’s Point This club has Stripparaoke! You sing karaoke and the fine ladies dance to you, on you, around you. See you on Sunday.
    • Silverado It’s one of the few all-nude male strip clubs in the entire country, enough said! 
    Don’t hate me. These doughnuteers are in every guide to Portland and I vowed to never include them in one, but what screams 'sexy' more than a doughnut in the shape of a penis? OK...lot’s of things, but come on! They have a penis-shaped doughnut! CREAM FILLED! It’s called the “Cock’N’Balls.” Go to the southeast location; it’s not as busy.
     
    Corruption, sex, crimes, gambling, and crimping—Portland has a dark history. Take this tour through the Shanghai tunnels and other newly added locations to learn more about our sinful past.
     
    Participate: Rocky Horror Picture Show @ Clinton St. Theater
    The Clinton Street Cabaret hosts an interactive showing of the cult classic. Throw rice, toss rolls of Scott toilet paper, and light up the theater with flashlights. No nudity allowed, but there’s plenty of profanity and risky business to boot!
     
    Explore: Club Sesso
    The infamous Ron Jeremy opened this upscale swingers nightclub to our city in 2009. The club requires a membership, but allow entrance to the public for a hefty cover with strict rules. The people who attend are actually interested in a sexually diverse experience so don’t go to be creepy. And in case you forget, there are signs reminding you not to be creepy.
     
    Shop: Adults Only
    There are a plethora of sex toy stores spattered around the Portland-Metro area, but few have the curation and reputation of these two:
    • She Bop Welcoming all genders and sexual orientations, this sex toy boutique promotes body safe toys and has a steady stream of educational workshops. It’s a very comfortable place for curious beginners and avid explorers alike. Plus, they sell Clone-A-Willy, so what’s not to love?!
    • Spartacus From outfits and toys to leather and porn, the curated collection of goodies can make your fantasy a reality. They have something for everyone, but definitely stays in our mind as the go-to store for those into S&M, fetishes and leather.
     
    Special Events:
    If you’re lucky enough to be in the City of Roses during these times, check out the following events:
    (March)
    • Kink Fest An educational kink, BDSM and fetish conference.
    (June)
    • Naked Bike Ride Highlights our dependence on oil and the vulnerability of cyclists.
    • Pride Northwest Celebrates and emboldens the positive diversity of our city and its people.
    (November)

     

    What else should we be experiencing? Leave a comment!

     

     

    Inside the Empire: Meet Jerome!

    Ladies and Gentlemen, today we will be heading back down to the factory place where the magic happens to meet our very own J.D. Salinger! He's a bit private, but he's been kind enough to do the thing he hates the most: SURVEYS!

    What is your name?
    Jerome Salinger
    What city were you born in?
    New York
    How long have you lived in Portland?
    20 years
    How long have you worked at Empire Labs (Clone-A-Willy)?
    11 years
    Have you ever cloned your willy and/or other body parts?
    Yes
    Who would play you in a movie?
    Brad Pitt
    If you had to sing karaoke, what would your go-to song be?

     

    When you're not working at Empire, what are you doing?
    Waiting for work to start
    What is your biggest pet peeve?
    Surveys
    What is your biggest fear?
    Burning
    Cats or dogs?
    Neither
    Burrito or burger?
    Burrito
    Ocean or mountains?
    Hawaii, so I can have both

    Pepsi or coke?
    Water
    Britney or Christina?
    I think my grandchildren listen to these people.
    Can you play an instrument?
    Not well enough to claim.
    Do you speak any other language?
    Hausa
    If you could be the opposite sex for one day, what would you do?
    I'd get to know myself.
    If you could mold any part of your body, what would it be?
    My new boobs.
    What would you want your last words to be before you leave this earth?
    Rose bud
    Is there anything else we should know about you?
    I was born feet first.

    Inside the Empire: Hump Day Playlist!

    You've cloned your willy or you've received your clone....what next? Take it for a test-drive! We've put a mix together for you to G E T  I T  O N !

    From cloneawilly on 8tracks Radio.

     

    What songs put you in the mood? Drop a comment with what songs make you wanna get it on!

    Inside the Empire: Meet Roman!

    At Clone-A-Willy, we are lucky enough to have our warehouse/factory in the same beautiful building as our office. This week we're heading down to the factory to meet Roman!

     What is your name?
     Not Roman
     What city were you born in?
     Not Portland
     How long have you lived in Portland?
     A few years
     How long have you worked at Empire Labs (Clone-A-Willy)?
     A few years
     How you ever cloned your willy and/or other body parts?
    Nope
    Who would play you in a movie?
    Will Smith
    If you had to sing karaoke, what would your go-to song be?

     

     

    When you're not working at Empire, what are you doing?
    Making music and being lazy.
    What is your biggest pet peeve?
    Cars not paying attention.
    What is your biggest fear?
    Global Warming
    Cats or dogs?
    Both
    Burrito or burger?
    Tacos
    Ocean or mountains?
    I like the trees and rivers in our city.
    Pepsi or coke?
    Club Soda
    Britney or Christina?
    Madonna
    Can you play an instrument?
    A few
    Do you speak any other language?
    Mumbles, slurs and sarcasm.
    If you could be the opposite sex for one day, what would you do?
    Drugs
    If you could mold any part of your body, what would it be?
    My eyes.
    What would you want your last words to be before you leave this earth?
    Next stop, Mars!!!
    Is there anything else we should know about you?
    Probably not...

    Inside the Empire: Hump Day Playlist

    Do you need help getting through your hump day woes? We put a little mix together of what we've been listening to at the office. So kick back and enjoy the music—it will be the weekend before you know it.

    Inside the office from cloneawilly on 8tracks Radio.

    Is there music we need to hear? Let us know on our Twitter and Facebook!