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    Dear Clone-A-Willy: The Overly Friendly Ass-Stuffer

     

    As you might expect, we get our share of strange and humorous emails at Clone-A-Willy. Here's a real email we received and some thoughts on it.

     

    I'm looking to purchase bulk amounts so I can give one to each of my friends. Are there any discounts? I really want all my friends to feel my dick inside their ass, but I just can't afford it. Thanks in advance!

    -Russ

     

     

    Aren't friends the greatest? Think about it. In the short span of about 80 years we get to make real, valuable connections with other people and we almost always find them more interesting than we find ourselves. You are very special to a group of people you find special and you're all just trying to have fun and make sense of the wonder and confusion around us. It's so beautiful you could almost cry. 
    Then, one seemingly average holiday party at your friend Brenda's house, Russ shows up with several identically-shaped, gift-wrapped boxes and a grin you had to drink 6 shots of Jaegermeister to dull the memory of.
    So, yes. Should it be your wont, it is possible to "mass-produce" copies of your penis for friends with the Clone-A-Willy kit. Here are a few tips:
    1. HAVE A FRIEND HELP WITH THE MOLD! Since we're talking about friendship, it's worth mentioning that the molding process can be tricky and having a pal mix the molding powder and water while you focus on your erection makes it much easier. You might want it to be a surprise for everyone, but at least let one, special buddy in on the joke. This will also have the added effect of helping you see who your true friends really are. If your buddy Charlie thinks he's too good to help mix water with the Clone-A-Willy molding powder for 60 seconds while you jack off then he's not a real friend. STOP STARING AT ME! might become a new in-joke for the two of you. Or it could become a trauma trigger. Either way, you'll be closer for it.
    2. MAKE MULTIPLE MOLDS! If you have a bunch of friends and you really want all of them to feel your dick inside their ass, (over 10 would probably qualify as "a bunch" of friends to whom you give exact replicas of your erect penis and I think over 12 would qualify as too many, but who am I to judge), you'll speed up production by having three or four molds available to fill with the Clone-A-Willy silicone. Use the first finished Clone-A-Willy dildo to make the extra molds instead of your actual penis. It's easier than calling Charlie for help with the molding powder and getting an erection every time. You can make the rest of the molds and dildos by yourself. There's no need for friends at this point. You're all alone now. Just you and several molds of your penis. If you're only trying to make 3-4 clones, you know, for the REALLY good friends, you can just reuse the mold you and Charlie made together. 
    3. KEEP THE MOLD WET! The Clone-A-Willy molding material is a strange and mysterious substance. Okay, not really. It's alginate, which is a seaweed based molding compound. Dentists use it to cast teeth, artists use it to create lifelike sculptures and you're going to use it to make several copies of your hard Willy as gifts for your unsuspecting friends. It captures an amazing level of detail and remains flexible once it sets, but it requires water saturation to maintain its shape. If the mold sits empty for more than a few hours it will start to shrink which is the exact opposite of what you want when copying your penis for your buddies. Either keep production going by keeping the mold filled with curing silicone or top it off with water when not in use. If you're gentle with it and keep it wet, you can expect the mold to last about one week.   

    If you're like Russ, and want all of your friends to feel your dick inside their asses AND you have enough friends that you think you might qualify for a bulk discount, we're here to help.

    Seriously, enter the following Clone-A-Willy coupon code during checkout and it will get you 10% off your next order over $100.

    CODE: To All My Friends

    It might not be much, but it should leave enough money in your account to help you buy a round of drinks for your friends. They'll likely need it.

       

     

    Holler if you have questions. We're always happy to help.

        -Todd

    The Science of Sex: What's the Difference Between Silicone, Rubber and Silicone Rubber?

    by David Claus, Ph.D.

    Actually, according to chemists, the ’silicone rubber’ in your Clone-A-Willy Kit (or any other silicone sex toy) is not technically considered a silicone, a rubber, OR a silicone rubber.

    'Silicone Rubber' is a common lay-term for various polymeric organosilicon compounds.  These are carbon-hydrogen-oxygen compounds that also contain elemental silicon. In fact, the term silicone itself is actually a misnomer. The suffix ‘one' is used by chemists to denote a substance with a double-bonded atom of oxygen in its backbone. When first discovered, 'silicone' was believed to have oxygen atoms double bonded to each silicon atom, but this is not true!

    'Silicone' can be defined as an inorganic polymer (contains many bonds), and is also technically incorrect, at least according to a chemist.  The technically correct term for the various silicone rubbers you see in sex toys is polysiloxanes or polydimethylsiloxanes.

    'Rubber' is an entirely different molecule altogether. It's actually a carbon-based polymer that’s harvested from trees in the form of latex.  We'd never use latex to cast a penis.  Latex is prone to easy degradation and deformation.  Heat, oil, salts, metals, even air will degrade latex.  Needless to say, your Clone-A-Willy Kit is completely latex and rubber-free!

    Rest assured that Clone-A-Willy uses only platinum cure organosiloxanes, certified completely body-safe and non-reactive. Beware of some sex toys that claim to use 'Body safe silicone' but really use 'tin-cure silicone', which contains toxic elements and is NOT body safe. 

    Your finished Clone-A-Willy dildo is composed of a completely safe, stable molecule that is phthalate free, non porous, and will not degrade, deform, or leach chemicals, ever. 

     

    David Claus, PhD, is a chemist and expert on heavy-metals and their impact on bioinorganic systems.

    Clone-A-Willy Costume Contest!!!

     

    In honor of Halloween and penises everywhere, Clone-A-Willy will be launching our own 2k14 Costume Contest starting NOW! Here is the deal: create the best penis-incorporated costume—it doesn’t have to include a Clone-A-Willy, but we’ll probably like it more if it did—and post a picture on Twitter, Tumblr, OR Instagram with the hash tags #cloneawilly and #peniscostume by midnight on November 2nd. The following Monday, we’ll announce the winner who will receive a free Glow in the Dark Clone-A-Willy kit! Start thinking DICK and get ready to submit. Meanwhile, we’ll lay out some ideas for your deadly weekend fun!

    Halloween Week(end) in the City of Roses

    Halloween is rapidly approaching, and if you're a proper Portlandian, you started creating your costume the day after you recovered from your Halloween-hangover last year. Portlanders are crazy for zombies, dressing up, and drinking; so bring your a game and join one of these ghoulish events.
     
    Thrill the World Dance – October 25th
    3pm @ Irvington Park
    Imagine a couple hundred zombies creeping into your local park. Add the moves of Thriller and the pipes of Michael Jackson and you’ve got “Thrill the World Dance” where you can put those Thriller moves you practiced for so many years in your bedroom to work. Join the practices on Friday and Sunday until the big event if you wanna freshen up your steps, or, observe from afar; like behind the locked door of your car in the parking lot, afar.
    Zombie Walk – October 25th
    4pm route begins @ Hollywood Vintage
    After you get all that dancing out of you, get your real zombie on during the Zombie Walk. People go all out in costume and make-up and you get to walk, crawl, and drag your way through the streets of Portland…AS A ZOMBIE. Seriously, start your Halloween week off properly.
    Doll Asylum – October 25-26, 31 & November 1st
    5-9pm @ The Doll Asylum
    As you enter the ‘asylum’ thousands of big, round, childlike eyes (if they’re not missing from their head) stare through you. Even though there are moments of cheesiness, it’s creepy and nostalgic. The graveyard and warehouse are where it starts to get gruesome with dolls on pikes and intestines spilling from their stomachs. Children are welcome if an adult is present—there will be trick-or-treat candy being passed out—or if you want to donate a doll, that’s cool too.
    BloodyVox: Nightmare on Northrup – October 25, 30-31 & November 1st
    7pm and 9pm @ BodyVox Dance Center
    Before you head out to party, support your local dance company for an amazing dance-theater performance that brings their favorite holiday to life. This year they’ll feature new performances, as well as cycle through a few old favorites. Bring a buddy to hold tight and wait for the wickedness to ensue.
    80s Video Dance Attack Portland Halloween Party – October 31st
    8pm @ Crystal Ballroom and Lola’s Room
    For an epic night of dancing, head to McMenamin’s Crystal Ballroom and Lola’s Room for two floors of blaring 80s beats, Halloween themed videos, and a night full of surprises. Costumes and dancing encouraged. Buy tickets ahead of time since it will probably sell out, though if you want to live on the edge, you can buy them at the door.
    Heaven and Hell Halloween Party – October 31st
    7pm @ Eastburn
    Not fans of huge crowds but still want to get out and dance? Head to Eastburn’s 7th annual Halloween party. There will be a $500 costume contest, music by Outta Limits and DJ Blas, and they have a bar on each floor so, hopefully, you don't have to wait in line for hours.
    Kruger Farms 2014 Cabaret Maze – October 25, 31 & November 1st
    6:30pm @ Kruger Farm, Sauvie’s Island
    Interested in more of a family affair? Walk the magician-themed corn maze, designed by local artist Peter Rockwell, and discovere adventure at every turn: fire dancers, hoola-hoopers, outdoor movies, and live music. End the night at Circus Tent for a full on, kid-friendly party. (They say the maze is recommended for kids 5 years+)
    Erotic Ball Halloween Party & Costume Contest – November 1st
    8pm @ Crystal Ballroom
    Looking to get your sexy on? Portland’s 15th annual Erotica Ball will be just the right amount of naughty to continue your Halloween weekend. Hosted by Emmy-nominee Sasha Scarlett, there will be plenty of skin and misbehaving to go around. Three floors of DJs, burlesque dancers, fetish demos, and four headliners to play make this one of the biggest, sexiest nights in Portland. It also has on of the largest costume contests in the city: $5000 in cash and prizes are given out to the Most Original, Best Group, and Sexiest Couple Costume.
    Transylvanian Voodoo Ball
    8pm @ Star Theater
    This 8th Annual Day of the Dead bash will haunt your night with musical performances by Vagabond Opera, Chernova, and Lesley Kernochan. Don’t miss the belly dancing, wandering performers, interactive installation, fortune telling table, and costume contest with prizes. Spice up your night and raise the dead!
    Zombie Sundays – Every Sunday until November 30th
    9pm @ Eastburn
    Don’t worry; we're taking care of your undead hangover too! Hit up Eastburn (again!) for their happy hour with food specials and some hair-of-the-dog, and then stick around for a viewing of a certain popular zombie television show.

    The History of Sex: Vibrators

    A beautifier and an anti-anxiety remedy, a hysteria treatment and a weight loss tool—the vibrator was quite the trade dabbler until it became the master of pleasure. The vibrator has quite the ironic past, so exactly how was the pulsing, purring sex toy we’ve come to know and love invented?
     
    Cleopatra
    Although the dildo dates back to the Late Stone Age, the first documented vibrator didn't exist until the late 1800s. That is, unless you believe in the tale surrounding the Egyptian Queen Cleopatra. According to the story, it was Cleopatra who was the original mastermind behind the pleasuring vibrations; she would fill a hollow gourd full of angry bees causing the hard shell to vibrate until, well, you know the rest.
     
    Hysteria
    Whether the legend of Cleopatra and the gourd is true, the documented history of the vibrator began with hysteria. The term hysteria surfaced about 2000 years ago in Ancient Greece (‘hysteria’ is Greek for ‘uterus’) referring to a woman and her “wandering womb.” For centuries, hysteria was a legitimate condition attributed to women that caused irritability, discomfort, anxiety, and depression. In today’s world, this would be considered sexual frustration, but we had long believed that women couldn’t orgasm, so the search for a cure went on. Until the 1900s, just about any symptom a woman felt could be pinned on hysteria. So what did physicians prescribe for such discomfort? Clitoral stimulation! Considered a socially acceptable and effective treatment, physicians and midwives oiled up and massaged women’s vaginas with their fingers while the palm of their hand pressed on the clitoris until a “paroxysm” occurred (see: ORGASM!). The problem was that one treatment wouldn’t cure a woman of hysteria—she had to keep coming back in order to keep the symptoms at bay.
     
    Steam and some Funky Machines
    This tiring business of manually masturbating woman after woman pushed physicians to look for an alternative option. The French had invented a hand-held device called Le Trémoussior that produced a vibrating motion on one end, but it still had to be wound by hand. Luckily, the Victorian Era rolled in, and with it came steam-powered machines. In 1869, a physician by the name of George Taylor invented the first steam-powered vibrator, which consisted of a motorized table, a hole, and a throbbing ball…Yikes! Dr. Joseph Mortimer Granville patented the first electromechanical vibrator, The Manipulator, and by the 1900s, about 100 different vibrators of all shapes and sizes and objectives were on the market.
     
    Hamilton Beach
    Did you know the fifth household appliance to be made electric was the vibrator? It came after the sewing machine, the fan, the toaster, and the tea kettle. Hamilton Beach, an American manufacturer of home appliances, changed the game when they licensed the first electric vibrator in 1902. By this time, the diagnosis of hysteria was beginning to decline, so creating a device that could be used in the privacy of your own home was ingenious.
     
    Porn
    By the 1920s, vibrators had become prevalent, being marketed as massagers, blood circulators, anxiety reducers, beautifiers, and ‘female tension relievers.’ Seeing these advertisements printed in respectable magazines and sold in sophisticated catalogues was nothing unusual. All good things come to an end, so the saying goes. When vibrators began showing up in pornography in the Twenties, the veil was stripped. Advertisers could no longer conceal their real use and the vibrator disappeared.
     
    Sexual Revolution
    If you love it, set it free. If it comes back, it was meant to be. Sexual repression based on the Christian-rooted values of morality was being unwoven by the 1960s. With that came the acceptance and experimentation of sexual freedom. Feminism and free love were on the rise. And the vibrator was back in action. A cordless electric vibrator was invented. From there, vibrators of all different shapes, sizes, and speeds were designed. The Hitachi Magic Wand was created, teaching us all the power of the clitoral orgasm. Free love for the win!
     
    Clone-A-Willy
    Vibrators had made their comeback. In the 1990s, a man by the name of Dr. David Claus had been creating life-like materials for prosthetic and medical use down in California. One thing led to another and he ended up creating the first DIY penis molding kits that made a real-life, vibrating replica of your penis. No longer using ancient contraptions that would terrify even the kinkiest of women, the evolution of the vibrator ends at the most personalized vibrator to date.